Why I’m creating Live Create Grow
My mother always puts others first. She put herself way down on the priority list. She didn’t think she was worth spending money on and didn’t believe that she could have something that was just hers, that she didn’t have to share with the family.
I grew up thinking that this was the way it was supposed to be, everyone was more important than myself and it would be selfish to put my own needs and wants before others.
It wasn’t until I recovered from a bout of serious clinical depression, that I started to wonder whether it was really selfish to want to put myself first? Don’t I deserve something too? What if I focused on making myself happy before tending to the needs of everyone else? I was happy then wouldn’t I be of more value to everyone else?
I decided that If I focused on being happy, then I would feel less resentful on the days where all I seem to do is clean the house and constantly feed the family, only to fall into bed at the end of the day feeling unproductive. Knowing that in a few more hours I’ll have to get back on that hamster wheel again.
I also realised that my happiness didn’t depend on material things (although the new iPad pro kept me happy for a few hours). Buying things wouldn’t lead to the happiness I was looking for. I wanted something more sustainable, easy to achieve and still accessible when the world around me demanded so much of me.
So what did I do?
I started to create again, I wanted to show myself that I still could, I wanted to prove to myself that I was still creative like I was as a child.
But finding the time to make pretty things was hard work. I still had to wash the clothes, feed everyone, pick up the dirty plates as well as run my own business while I watched my husband spend his evenings enjoying his “me time” on the Xbox. I felt resentful, irritable. It wasn’t that he wasn’t pulling his weight with the house work and he certainly brought more made more money than me. I was burnt out and never got the chance to recharge my batteries. But in truth, no matter how much he had done, the mental attitude that I’d developed over the years meant he would never have been able to do enough.
It was then that I realised that I can’t be about the housework, the kids, the other daily demands, it was about me. My attitude towards my life. While there were so many things about my life I didn’t have control over, my attitude was something I could master.
It was time to re-evaluate my priorities. Were the kids fed, watered, safe and feel loved? Great, that was the basics covered. Was there anything else that had to be done before I could have some “me time”? Or could it wait for an hour, chances are that it wasn’t urgent enough that it couldn’t?
How am I going to spend that “me time”?
I knew that I wanted to create, but create what? I wasn’t short of inspiration but everything required multiple products and I wanted to do something RIGHT NOW. If I’ve only got an hour to enjoy it had to be something quick. So I came up with projects that were easy to create. Creative products with step by step instructions so even a beginner could create something beautiful, feel that sense of satisfaction and boost their self-esteem.
I also know that what ever I was into creating this week, would likely change by next week, I so I wanted multiple creative products that I could cycle through depending on that whim on a particular day.