Category Archives: Grow

self limiting beliefs affect behaviour

How self limiting beliefs affect your behaviour

self limiting beliefs affect behaviour

Your beliefs affect your behaviour whether you’re conscious of them or not.

They’re like a set point on a thermostat, pass that set point and your brain tries to keep you in your comfort zone.

This limits you in every way imaginable and it’s how these beliefs get the common term of ‘self-limiting beliefs’.

Since your brain likes the familiar (aka your comfort zone) it will attempt to sabotage you unconsciously every time you to try to step out of it.

The reason for this is in our past. Way back when our survival was based on our ability to avoid danger.  The unknown is definitely seen by the brain as dangerous. Even though you don’t like in fear for your life (I’m hoping) our brains still haven’t shaken this behaviour. So we still look for things that will harm us physically or emotionally.

Nor are we ever taught to how to enjoy not feeling anxious and on guard. We are constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop. Because we always believe that good things aren’t meant to last. Our brain can’t help but shove negative feelings and memories at us when we start to feel too good.

I wanted to take a look at how limiting beliefs affect your behaviour towards others and towards yourself.

Let’s start with how limiting beliefs affect how you interact with others.

Other people that we meet in our everyday lives can easily trigger the self-limiting beliefs we hold about ourselves. Sometimes a compliment from a well-meaning friend or even a total stranger can be hard to accept because we hold a belief that we’re not worthy of it. We brush off those compliments because it’s hard for us to enjoy the attention, especially if we feel like we don’t deserve it.

Many of us can’t accept help or even ask for it because we hold a belief that we should be strong enough to do it on our own. I admit this is a powerful self-limiting belief for me and something I’m constantly working on. I have always struggled to accept help from others because I felt that I should be able to do it by myself. If I can’t, then there must be something wrong with me. This benefited me in some ways as a child, it made me determined and stubborn to achieve things and I enjoyed the challenge of school. But as I got older, I became aware how this belief became one of my biggest downfalls. I’ve struggled to do stuff because I felt like it would be a failure to ask for help. I’ve reinvented the wheel time and time again, wasting so much energy because I couldn’t bring myself to be ok with asking for assistance and support.

There are too many ways that self-limiting beliefs influence how you interact with others for me to share here. But I’m sure if you take just a second to look back over your day, you’ll be able to find at least one example of how one of your own limiting beliefs has reared it’s ugly head today.

When it comes to our behaviour towards ourselves and own growth, these limiting beliefs become even more powerful in stopping you from getting to where you want to be. They rob you of opportunities to learn, take on new challenges and push past your limits.

It might be that you’re not aware of the limiting belief but more of the consequences which you can see emerging from your own thoughts repeatedly. To compound this problem our brain is looking for evidence to reinforce the limiting beliefs because it seeks familiarity.

Just to hit this point home here’s a few examples that might be familiar to you.

  • you feel like you can’t be artistic because you were shit at art in school
  • you don’t bother setting goals because experience has shown you in the past you don’t take action on them
  • you tell yourself you’re not good at meeting new people because you fear the anxiety that the unknown brings

A limiting belief that I’m currently working on is the belief that I’m not consistent enough to ever achieve anything.  I used it as an excuse for everything, especially when I wanted to learn a new skill.  To explain this belief in other words – I realised that I held a belief that I could never be good at anything because I can’t stick will it! This one belief alone sets me up to fail on everything!

If you hold a belief similar to this, it’s going to stop you enjoying new hobbies, new experiences, new relationships. Let just be blunt, it’s going to cause problems in all areas of your life because your brain is primed to make you fail.

I’d love to hear any limiting beliefs that you’ve uncovered lately, what were they stopping you from doing?

We’re you even aware that you had any, and if there was one limiting belief that you’d love to banish, what would it be?

common limiting beliefs

 

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what to do when feeling stuck

Feeling Stuck?

Questions to ask when feeling stuck
Sometimes, we just feel stuck! We know we need to make decisions, we know we need to move things forward in our lives but we’re not really sure what the next step is.

We don’t seem to be really drawn to anything or nothing really speaks to us and we just feel blank and stuck.

And I think that is normal quite a lot of the time. Simply because we’ve been conditioned to not put our own needs first. So, we don’t really spend time thinking about what we want and if we don’t know what we want how can we ever move towards it?

don't know what we want how can we move towards it

So, I’ve put together a list of questions. These are simple questions just to get you out of that “feeling stuck” mood and more into an “I think I might have an idea where I want to go” mood.

what to do when feeling stuckSo, I think the most important question is, why do you feel stuck?

Maybe something in your self-talk is making you feel stuck.  Reminding yourself that you’re stuck and you don’t know what to do – is actually keeping you stuck exactly where you are.  Your brain is programmed to believe everything you say to it.   Instead of telling yourself that you’re stuck, try telling yourself that you’re excited about the burst of inspiration that’s on it way.

Do you have to make a decision right this second?

Do you really need to know at this very second in time what you need to do? Or would this be easier if you were in a better mood?

It might be possible for now, just for now, maybe for the next five minutes, the next ten minutes, maybe even the next twenty-four hours what others might see as “shoving your head in the sand” might be the right thing for you to do.

Give yourself time to regroup and recharge. Once you’ve cleared your head,  the obvious solution usually appears as an ah ha moment.

Do you feel stuck because you don’t know what the next step is?

Maybe you feel stuck because you obsessing about what the next step is so you feel paralysed.

So Start thinking about what it is you want in the long run.

Do you want to feel better about yourself?

Do you want to have more free time?

Do you want to get better at creating art?

Do you want to get better at, being you?

Do you want to feel more like you again?

Once you start to think about what it is you actually want as opposed to just feeling stuck, you might just get that inspiration you need to get unstuck and the next step will simply flow.

How are your personal beliefs keeping you feeling stuck?

Our parents shape our beliefs. My mother always taught me that I could be anything I wanted, but it made me feel stuck because it gave me too many possibilities. I didn’t know which one to take. I kept thinking “What if I get the wrong one?”  Do you have a personal belief that it stopping you from making a decision?  Was there something you were told constantly as a child that impacts your ability to make one?  A common one that makes people feel stuck is money and if you’ve heard the phrases such as “money doesn’t grow on trees” then many of your thoughts will be influenced by the belief that there isn’t enough money.

Do you feel like you’re not good at making decisions?

Have you made any decision in the past which had disastrous consequences?  This reinforces the belief that you’re not good at making decisions or that you always make wrong ones.  Turn this past situation on its head and take a look at the positives that came out it. Look for them, they are there.

Still feeling stuck?

After asking yourself all these questions, are you able to move to a place where you feel more confident about making decisions?

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